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Why do people who have affairs blame everyone and everything else?

Why do people who have affairs blame everyone and everything else for their actions

Why do they decide to start apportioning unwarranted blame in areas where it is not justified or re writing history so as to make out that what they did in having the affair can to some extent be “justified ”

I have yet to meet anyone who has had an affair who has just held their hand up and said ” Yes it was me and only me ”

Are some people who try and deflect their guilt and blames others and circumstances for their actions very shallow individuals who are just ultimately very selfish and insecure human beings

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16 Responses to “Why do people who have affairs blame everyone and everything else?”

  1. Starr said:

    alright, you just answered your own question…do you feel better now

  2. Justin said:

    because they feel guilty and want to blame everyone else so they dont feel as bad

  3. TheOne said:


    It is because they love to fool around and spread their “love” as it were.

    They only care about themselves and their own gratification.

    They are not mature enough for a committed relationship.


  4. JALO said:

    wow tiny but bitter i see.

    i had one years ago and it was horrible i mucked so much up and suffered for years afterwards. got a lovely hubby now and would never ever cheat again on anyone it brings so much hurt and heartache.
    i did it cos i liked the new attenshion i was receiving and it got the better of me.

  5. Ranjan said:

    During cheating…a person’s mind is always full of guilt…if anyone looking at him, it feels like everyone is suspecting…to overcome the guilt, cheater put the blame on others…No one on Earth can justify the cheating, therefore nobody will take the blame on themselves…

  6. Victims......aren't we all. said:

    I agree fully. There are tons of excuses for an affair, but none of them justifies it. Even in the most extreme situations, you have the option to go. To the police, to the hospital, to church, to a rescue centre, to your family, to a friend, to a hotel, anywhere. Seperate with the person you’re with or start procedures for a divorce and then, date and sleep with whoever you wish, you’re single again. Everything else is BS imo. You chose to be married, no one put a gun in your head. The least you can do is have some dignity and walk away before you decide to cheat.

  7. evil2innocence said:

    They dont like who they are. They are always trying to find that “one” who makes them feel good for the moment. And of course they are pointing the blame at everyone else. Its kinda sad, but, move on. They will get what they deserve. take care

  8. [email protected] said:

    Good question, but I don`t fully agree with it.

    Yes, there ARE people who always blame others, when they are having an affair.
    These are often the shallow people who cannot face up to who they really are (tho sometimes of course, they are right. Some ARE trapped in a very unhappy marriage, so look outside the marriage for intimacy, love and sex).
    In other words, you cannot generalise about people who have affairs.

    Many people KNOW it is their own `fault` and make no excuses for this fact.
    Their frank and brutal attitude is `I DO enjoy having an affair. And I am not going to change my ways`. Brutal, unkind……but honest.

  9. Gazza G said:


  10. vodkaworkswell said:

    you are right, you have the answer

  11. Maxi said:

    If they ‘held their hands up’ then they would need to acknowledge what they did was hurtful and disrespectful to their partner, so yes they don’t do it as that means they have failed their partner and human beings don’t like to fail….so by creating a ‘reason’ as ‘someone elses fault’ they can justify what they did to themselves and don’t ‘need’ to feel guilty…so I think you are correct they are very shallow, selfish and immature……..

  12. Ruth W said:

    Your question is pretty much asked and answered by everyone else. What really IRKS me is if someone sees you having an “affair” at what ever stage it is at, why doesn’t someone stand up and SAY something?? Like oh hallo we haven’t met before? STOP THE TRAIN! Guilt is not part of the feelings of an affair. Its an excuse used in the process to sound correct. yes I;m having an affair but i feel so guilty! What TOSH! Participating in the affair is self centred grandiosing and attension fulfilling. Ooh he chose me to have an affair with. People are too scared to stand up and be counted. People are too scared of commiment

  13. AudioFilly said:

    Because usually in a relationship it’s not only one person to blame. There are two people in the relationship. Both of them need to take responsibility for the successes & failures of it.

  14. Andielep said:

    External factors have a bearing on it BUT- they can be worked out by any reasonable human being. The person that has the affair can really only give themselves the lion’s share of the blame . while it is not always clear cut as to why they have the affair , when it boils down to it they are the person that makes the decission to ‘solve’ their problems in another person’s bed – instead of in a more sane and indeed less hurtful way!!

  15. Aanya Verma said:

    that’s what prematureness is all about.

  16. liz said:

    Of course its everyone else’s fault, the cheater was driven to do it by their partner. This is how the cheater will see it, they will say they did not get enough attention or not enough sex so its ok to go and get that elsewhere.
    Its always someone elses fault, its how the cheater feels and if they feel unappreciated they will cheat, its not right but its how they see it.
    The only conclusion to come to is that cheaters are weak, selfish, arrogant, egotistical, lying people – but its everyone else’s fault not theirs.
    I would never have a cheater back in my life, if I had driven him to an affair or it was “my” fault then why would he want to be with me anyway ? Cheaters cant cope with real life so they choose fantasy.


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