How can I write this scene so it is romantic and has a huge impact on the reader?
A boy is going to enter his house to find his newly wed wife lying on the sofa with their baby girl, he is going to describe her and then lie next to them. This has to have a huge impact because the boy is going to die, leaving the mother with the baby girl.
Thank you.
Its the middle ages okay, he is like seventeen, they marry young.
December 6th, 2010 at 8:52 pm
How can a “boy” be married?
It’s not going to have huge impact, to be honest. It might be a sweet moment. But sitting on a sofa, a huge impact? Nah. No matter how well you write it.
And that’s one bizarrely shaped sofa you have there. Two adults side by side plus a baby?
December 6th, 2010 at 8:53 pm
Just get one of those “Twilight” novels by Stephanie Meyer, and learn from the Master!
December 6th, 2010 at 8:58 pm
The scene itself isn’t what will have the impact on the reader. The dialogue between the two characters is what is important. I your reader likes the characters and one of them dies, the reader will be impacted.
After the man or young man describes his wife and baby – don’t drag it out – have the husband and wife have a touching conversation about how they love and care for each other. Have them express their happiness about being together, having the baby and their future together. Have them make plans for the next three anniversaries or birthdays. Then, when the husband dies, it will be more painful because what is lost.
So remember, the conversation is important. The death and the remembrance of that conversation is what will have the impact.
good luck.
December 6th, 2010 at 9:17 pm
The boy? You mean the man? 🙂
I think the thing that would make the most impact on a reader is really dipping into their emotions. Describe how lucky the man feels he is and how much he loves them. How he would never wish for anything more than what he has. Portray him as very humble and loving because when he dies, the readers will feel for him and his family. Also, read some books that have similar themes so you can pick up on some writing tips 🙂 Good luck!
mine please?
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