Why are men so passive and submissive, and why are they stereotyped to be dominant when most are not?
I find it funny how people think men are more dominant, more aggressive. Most men I meet and interact with are more passive and more submissive than me. I am not an aggressive person either, I am just stern and somewhat hard-headed, although I am also feminine and soft in some ways. I don’t get how men are stereotyped to be strong, dominant, aggressive… in my experience they have this thing about them, like a puppy, who wants you to like them and accept them and love them. What about that is strong and dominant and aggressive?
October 18th, 2010 at 7:00 am
You mix with the wrong type of men, mainly married losers.
October 18th, 2010 at 7:39 am
Interestingly enough, we’re not all the same.
I don’t think I’m either dominant or submissive. I’d characterize myself more as reasonable and calm but very stubborn.
October 18th, 2010 at 8:11 am
It’s probably because there are so many chemicals in tap water. I never heard conclusive evidence, but it has been said that there is estrogen and chemicals from birth control pills in tap water than cannot be removed cost effectively. Estrogen would make men less than the stereotypical man.
October 18th, 2010 at 8:41 am
This is actually very true in my experience too…I’m outspoken, go after what I want, take a very “if you want something done right, do it yourself,” approach to life, and let people know when I disagree with something that’s taking place. Usually when I have to work in a group for one of my classes, I take charge and do most of the work, and it’s rare for a male member of the group to disagree with any of my ideas…this is usually done out of necessity rather out of a desire to control, though…I always seem to wind up in a group full of lazy people who don’t have a clue what the teacher’s looking for. Meanwhile, I know a lot of men who are submissive and readily yield to authority, male or female. I know very few men who come across as aggressive and dominant and aren’t extremely cooperative. Like you said, many just want people to like them.
October 18th, 2010 at 9:22 am
You’re hanging around wimps – mostly those who were raised by single mothers.
October 18th, 2010 at 10:04 am
I don’t mean to be confrontational, but I disagree. In my hall, for example, is a 6’4″ guy called Charlie who clearly dominates socially when it comes to ladies. He always makes himself known, always wants to be centre of attention, it is very clear who is socially “on top” when he is talking to ladies…that kind of stuff. He’s a nice guy, don’t get me wrong.
I do find that the stereotype of men being more dominant than women (socially) to be mostly true. When a cold, stern lady is encountered she will usually find it hard to make friends with most people I know. People like friendly people. (I’m not saying you’re not friendly, I don’t know you and I’m not stupid).
I think the men in your life must be a little bit sycophantic, a trait I find repulsive in men and irritating in women.
October 18th, 2010 at 10:28 am
Just easygoing and considerate, for the most part. Despite the bad press, men are actually conditioned to get on with each other. How would society be if every man behaved like my rooster, and staked out a harem of women, which he then defended at the drop of a hat and to the death?
Pretty damn stupid!
They are, as you say, like puppies – just want someone to cuddle them and see to their needs with a kind hand.
October 18th, 2010 at 10:44 am
’cause feminazis want you to believe that men are mindless brutes who will “oppress” you at every turn unless you constantly fight us back.
October 18th, 2010 at 11:05 am
maybe they’re like that to u
October 18th, 2010 at 11:08 am
Sounds like modern feminism has succeeded in remaking modern men into passive, low self esteem, obedient p*ssies! Hive five all around!
October 18th, 2010 at 11:33 am
You could have been right if your observation were not wrong.
Time has long passed for to show the dominance in front of strangers for most men. They have wised up. Social structure, at micro and macro level, punishes male aggression. So men have adapted to it. The consequences are too harsh – jail or lost career or something.
Women have freed themselves from all but the most extreme consequences. Women can show aggression in business and at a small scale she gets away with it. On a MNC level, she has kid gloves for handshakes. In real life more women get away with hurting men than any men would, hurting anyone.
So, as I said, men have wised up. They have chosen their battles carefully. I do believe that men really don’t think its worth it to be all those things which you lament here.
October 18th, 2010 at 12:02 pm
Men are passive and submissive because feminists have turned them into women.
October 18th, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Hmmm… I guess it depends upon your experience. I used to be the “nice guy”. Passive, and more interested in “keeping the peace” than in dealing with issues as they arise. Looking back, I’d say I blame our culture and society. According to societal expectations, men are supposed to be sympathetic and listen to our women’s needs and wishes.
Granted, I don’t have any particular problem with that – my problem lies in that I don’t think that my needs, my interests, or my goals should necessarily be subject to being ignored or become less of a priority based on the needs of a female. I should be fully capable AS A HUMAN BEING to decide whether or not my own needs, interests or goals can be sacrificed for those of my partner. It shouldn’t be an expectation (as it often seems to be nowadays).
My life has come full circle. I’m a much stronger man now than I was 15-20 years ago. I’m not a male chauvinist bastard, but I am definitely a Dominant. I’m in a BDSM relationship where I have power because neither of us are hamstrung by the misguided roles forced upon men and women by our society.
I do not treat her like a doormat. I respect her, and she respects me. I make most of the decisions that affect us both – and even some that affect her only. She trusts me enough to know that whatever decision I make, I will make sure that I have the best of intentions with regards to our collective good.
Hope this helps. We’re not all wimps. 🙂
“Collective good”…? Maybe I’ll change my profile name to “Communist Dominant Brujah Antediluvian”. 😀